6

Defining Infidelity

Esther Perel recently published a new book called “The State of Affairs” which both Paula and I think is great and recommend highly. It’s got both of us thinking about how we work with infidelity and this is the first of a series of blogs on the topic – something of a warmup for our workshop on the topic in …

Shifting from Conflict to Connection: Case study of a Hostile Angry Couple.

You can hear them arguing in the waiting room before you set eyes on them. Sometimes they just blindly continue their fighting as they walk through your door and take a seat, without even stopping to say hello. This kind of scenario puts a lot of people off working with couples. And those fears are not groundless. If you work …

2

Why “I need you” is a deeply unsexy sentiment

There is a common experience all therapists encounter, no matter the sexual orientation or gender of the person or couple:  A person describing their partner (or themselves) as “needy” or demanding.  They complain about pressure for (or a lack of) affection, sex, attention, talk etc. Yet our culture idealises the notion of needing your partner. “I need you” is generally offered up …

Five Things Guaranteed to Fail in Couples Work

1. Talking about content not process How a couple talk to each other and treat each other IS their relationship.  That’s what we need to help them focus on.  Typically couples get into conflict about predictable areas – money, sex, parenting, boundaries, time use (too much time at work or a hobby, not enough time on domestic labour etc).  Also typically, there …