We all have blind spots, and, for some of us, one of our blind spots is the inability to acknowledge having blind spots. In my spiel in the first session explaining to my clients what therapy is going to be like, I sometimes say something like this: “All therapy, whether individual or couple therapy, is … Read more
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines vulnerable as ‘capable of being physically or emotionally wounded; open to attack or damage’. Understandably, many of us work hard to avoid being vulnerable. Why would you want to leave yourself open to being wounded or attacked? Clients will choose to make themselves vulnerable if they believe that the rewards are … Read more
I was talking with a colleague about how cut off from their feelings we train our boys to be. She was talking about a woman who, in session, told her male partner “I don’t want a sissy” when he was being vulnerable. In childhood, many boys will have the experience that if they show emotions … Read more
Adult attachment is different from infant attachment. We need to learn how to balance dependence and autonomy.
You can hear them arguing in the waiting room before you set eyes on them. Sometimes they just blindly continue their fighting as they walk through your door and take a seat, without even stopping to say hello. This kind of scenario puts a lot of people off working with couples. And those fears are … Read more
At the end of one of his presentations at the Couples Conference in Manhattan Beach, California last month, Pete Pearson literally performed a magic trick turning a business card into a flower. But far more impressive was when he showed us how to use “four little words” to transform almost any hostile statement into something that … Read more
1. Talking about content not process How a couple talk to each other and treat each other IS their relationship. That’s what we need to help them focus on. Typically couples get into conflict about predictable areas – money, sex, parenting, boundaries, time use (too much time at work or a hobby, not enough time on domestic … Read more